A low-status
game may be known to be terrible or perhaps it’s cutesy or it lets you
disappear into another world. Whatever it is, this low-status game is enough to
make your friends, your coworkers and your fellow gamers want to hit the reset
button on knowing you. If anyone sees you dominating Madden, they’ll not only
get you, they’ll respect you. Hell, they may even fear of your skills. However, what if someone sees
you playing one of those games that cause people to cringe, shudder and
question our game choice? These are low-status games. This is my list of
low-status games that you shouldn’t let others know you play. Or, just hide
yourself well
10. Wii Fit
Sure, it’s a
fun game on Nintendo’s Wii and it has been advertised as a great way to get
some exercise, but… Seriously? Lose
hours playing Wii Fit and those who know you will run like hell – and not
virtually either. You’re a man and you get your exercise with weight-lifting in
a gym or beating the other team on the court. You risk losing your status by
bragging in the locker room about how much body fat Wii Fit has told you you’ve
lost.
9. Cabela’s Dangerous Hunts 2
This is how
you get your gun off? If you want to really hunt, grab your gun (or, even
better, a bow) and head out into the woods. Chasing digitized deer in the
virtual woods is lame and you deserve the raised eyebrows you’re going to get
for doing it – especially if you wear camouflage while playing this low-status
video game.
8. Hasbro Family Game Night
Yes, when you
were a kid you pulled up to the dining room table and played Battleship, Boggle
and Connect Four. You were also still wetting the bed. Hasbro Family Night (and
Family Game Night 2) are great video games for the family. See the word
“family” in the title? But you don’t want to sit in front of the big screen
playing with Mr. Potato Head on a Saturday night. Don’t risk your fellow
gamers’ respect boasting about your achievements in Bop It against the Xbox
360.
7. Tales of Vesperia
There’s not
enough that can be said about how annoying this game is. It is a blend of
extremely terrible voice acting, anime and Final Fantasy/Pokémon/Monster
Rancher. Players run around gathering up a band of heroes and chasing creatures
all while your character constantly says what they’re going to use next in
battle. There’s some plot about ancient technology and imperial knight… blah,
blah, blah… You get swag rights in killing the Covenant or blasting the undead
hordes, but powering up your big-haired pointed-ear Akira-knockoff while
fighting a praying mantis is lame. Tales of Vesperia is cool if you’re 8, weak
if you’re 20 or 38.
6. Rayman: Raving Rabbids
No arms, no
legs and you still wonder why this game pulls your status down? Rayman was once
considered a new and innovative hero, but that was, what, like 10 years ago?
Now, no one knows what the hell he is (is it even a he?). Ubisoft’s Rayman:
Raving Rabbids puts the titular hero against a race of giant, evil rabbits. So
why does playing this cute game take your credits down? Because, once again, no
arms and no legs and you’re fighting rabbits. These evil bunnies dress up like
ninjas, pirates and French maids, and yell with red eyes when they attack. In
today’s world of cyborg super-soldiers and ninja assassins, there’s no room for
what little space freaky Rayman and his bunny enemies take up.
5. Superhero movie games
This category
includes, but isn’t limited to, such titles as Spider-Man 3, Iron Man,
Fantastic Four, etc. Truth is that every guy wanted to be a superhero growing
up. So when a video game comes out, of course it’s a great chance to slip on
tights and save the day. However, when you spend hours playing the crap video
games that are pumped out in time for summer blockbusters, you quickly lose
gamer cred. Be a weak-ass superhero behind closed doors.
4. Sims
Life is hard,
yes it is. But is it really so hard that you need to hide in a make-believe
version of the real world? You look extremely lame to your fellow gamers. You
better not dare go into the office pumped up or saddened because your Sim has a
problem. There’s no pride in your day being affected by how your virtual life
is faring. Your friends and fellow gamers will realize you’re a huge loser as
you play your “life-simulation computer game.” Want to build a family? Get off
the damn game console and PC and go find a girl and have some kids. You’re
losing status, man. There’s no practice for living life.
3. Leisure Suit Larry
Wow, a game
in which you get to sleep with fake women. Dating back to the late ’80s,
Leisure Suit Larry lets you play as Larry Laffer, a balding, pudgy bachelor, in
his 40s always on the electronic prowl for pixilated poonanny. Even he has low
status. The game series has the player trying to get laid all the time, and you
usually fail. So you want to spend time trying to have sex only to get rejected
by a game? This game makes you a loser because you’re wasting time virtually
wasting time trying to get some. Go out there and at least try to pick up women
in real life.
2. Pokémon
Any game with
a Pokémon in it drags you far below the bottom of the barrel. You’re not an
8-year-old boy living in a world of anime animals. Keep your Poke-playing completely
and absolutely to yourself. If your friends find out that you spent the weekend
capturing yellow rabbit creatures that throw lightning and you did this
willingly, you may have any Xbox Live and PS3 friendships revoked. Make damn
sure you also get rid of your trading cards that you surely have hidden
somewhere.
1. World of Warcraft
If your
biggest achievement of the day is that you’re a Level 20 Undead Warlock, you
may want to keep this to yourself. While Warcraft and WoW are impressive games,
losing yourself in an imaginary world of gold, Lich Kings and orcs will drop
your status with a quickness. Like the Sims – you spend so much time trying to
build up your make-believe rank that you lose your real-life status. Sure, the
Blood Elves may quake with your name, but spending hours playing World of
Warcraft is like putting a giant “L” on your forehead and a “Kick Me” sign on
your back, gamer.
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